Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A bit of a ramble about self-worth

Last night in Zac's we were looking at bits of the body.

For a human body to work as it is intended it needs all its different components. Paul, the apostle, was using this analogy for church, meaning for a church to be living it needs everyone in it to play their part, and everyone is of equal value. Yes, some people are natural leaders and others are natural tea-makers but the leader isn't more important than the tea-maker. That's what Paul says.

Several of the people in Zac's are there because they've bad experiences with regular church and they were quick to point out that some leaders think they're a lot better than their flock. I'm fortunate in Linden that it's not like that. Oh, we've a couple of people that may think they are - but in truth that is more likely to be my view of them rather than reality. No, I think the problem in Linden and in probably other churches is not inflicted from above but self-inflicted.

You can tell the tea-maker one hundred times, a million times, that she is just as valued as the speaker but does she really believe it?

We've just started on a new Sunday morning teaching series on Jesus and women. Alun and Alice introduced it last Sunday and as part of it they got all the women present to go and stand at the front. Then Alice asked us to say what we thought was valuable about us. Alun and I were discussing it in work the next day. Alun said, 'There I was, looking at this group of strong, resourceful, intelligent, creative, accomplished women ...' he stopped and looked at me, 'I'm not including you in this by the way ...'
'Thank you, Alun.'
'And not one of them could come up with one valuable thing about herself.'

Was it natural modesty? False modesty? Or do we all genuinely believe there is nothing good about us? If we'd been asked to find something good about each other we'd have had no problems.

When we become children of God we put on his cloak of worth. We are valued. God doesn't prefer Alun to me because he's male, or funnier, or smarter. He places an equal value on each of us.

Many of us struggle with the issue of self-worth, whether it's because of our past, our present or our nature. We often find that even the most confident amongst us puts very little value on herself. Yet we are valued by God and to deny that is to miss out on such a lot. And I'm talking to myself here.

It's a bit like the jumper Auntie Mary knitted for me for Christmas one year. It's a perfect fit but I'm not convinced that it really suits me. So I said, 'Thank you very much. It's lovely and it must have taken an awful lot of effort,' before I put it in the back of the cupboard and only get it out when all my other jumpers are dirty and I don't have anything else to wear. And when I do people say, 'that jumper really suits you. You should wear it more often.'
xx

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thats a thought provoking post...
erm... I have loads of issues around this. I think to a point its human trait but sometimes it gets exploited by others who like to dominate and control and hurt and then it becomes a self destructive trait... The problem is that if you hear something often enough you belive it, if that comes from someone who is suposed to love you unconditionly well then it bad place to be.
And I have no idea what the answer is.

Wear the jumper :0)

Gledwood said...

talking about parts of the body and people... hmmm you could have lots of fun with that analogy but I won't go there

;->...

Liz Hinds said...

Indeed, hippy mama!

Gledwood, one man did say he thought he was the a***hole. Which plays a vital role!

Anonymous said...

"For a human body to work as it is intended it needs all its different components" ???

Then why does almost everyone have more than the average number of legs?

On the same thread, did you know that the average person has 1 breast and 1 testicle? His image?

Liz Hinds said...

"Then why does almost everyone have more than the average number of legs?"

I'm talking about humans; are you, stu?

Surely you can't disagree with that first statement that the human body to work as intended needs all its bits? And even if you do, you're missing the point!

Furtheron said...

That's made me think...

I've had a load of problems with self-worth, is that conditioned via what others say? I don't know, I know that if I receive praise the voice in my head counters that praise with statements like "They obviously don't really know me, or understand what I did there..." or "They are just being nice they don't mean it" etc.

Plus I have a perfectionist bit to me, if it ain't 100% right as per my definition then it is a failure, I have a tick or a cross not a percentage in my head about myself and what I do.

I have continued to try to work hard on this, I try to stop myself when the praise comes in and say "take it at face value, they didn't have to say that and I can believe that it is genuine as much as I can believe it is cynical"

As for the perfectionism I'm trying on that too... hence my recent YouTube forays, they contain slips and slight mistakes which I notice and jar with me but they are "good enough"... just :-) (I'm still working at it... :-))

Oh finally - Paul Hauck wrote a small book called "Hold You Head Up High" on this topic. It's only 100 pages and a light engaging read. I throughly recommend it for anyone with self-worth issues.

Liz Hinds said...

Furtheron, we all do that 'if only they knew what I'm really like' thing - or at least I do! The thing is that God does know you through and through, and he still loves you and places the highest value on you.

Anonymous said...

@Liz,
the average number of legs per person is about 1.998 due to amputees etc. That is why over 99% of people have more than this average number ;-)

I merely object to the words "as intended" which imply that there was a designer. I refuse to let you sneak that one by us ;-)