Slimming and senility

I think I have some rare, probably as yet unknown and un-named, anti-wasting disease.

I walk for at least an hour most days and I do two hours of strenuous circuit training a week. I am trying to diet and yet I don't lose weight. I even dance around the kitchen while poaching my eggs, singing along with the CD, complete with beetroot-on-fork microphone.

So it must be a rare affliction I have. Perhaps they will name it after me. I have always wanted to be famous. Though I had hoped it would be for my writing.

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Last night when we were getting ready for bed, Husband put my glass of water - instead of the tube of toothpaste - in the bathroom cabinet. I realised he'd done it and got into bed before him and asked him to bring me my glass of water. He went to the bathroom and, being unable to see it on the side of the sink, knew straightaway that it was in the bathroom cabinet.

He says it wasn't him who put it there but I ask you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, why would he even think to look in the bathroom cabinet? That's not a place anyone would expect a glass of water to be; only the person who had put it there would know instantly.

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Postscript
I realised I had forgotten to expound upon my theory and I know the world is waiting, so my theory is as follows.

I am not losing weight but I am very tired. It is my belief that my body has forgotten it is supposed to convert excess flab into energy and is draining my already depleted stocks of energy thus making me tireder but not thinner.

What do you think?

I have always been a bit dubious about those who have used slow metabolism as an excuse but a dodgy metabolism is a different matter altogether. I mean to say, I made half a leftover trifle last me two days; no-one could call that excessive, could they? At least not to my face.

Hey ho. Serious serious diet starts today. Sigh.